Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Date Watched: September 10, 2011
Source: Netflix Instant Play

I usually try to read the first few reviews on Netflix to see what other people thought. The third review down says that this is John Carpenter’s greatest film. Um, no. Halloween… hello? Thank you.

Anyway, not only was this NOT John Carpenter’s best film, but I was a little upset to find out it was John Carpenter after watching how crappy it was. Yeah, I get that it was supposed to be a spoof, and there were some parts that were mildly interesting. Lo-Pan, for instance, was creepy at first. And the 3 Storms had humorously large hats.

But in general, I really don’t like Kurt Russell. I don’t think he’s a good actor, either seriously or cheesy (in this case, cheesy). I also don’t like Kim Cattrall, and she’s even worse cheesy than she is serious (I hate Sex in the City also, for reference).

This is just a movie I don’t really need to see again.

Queue it on Netflix

This is Spinal Tap (1984)

Date Watched: March 26, 2011
Source: Netflix Instant Play

I’d heard about this movie for years, and every now and then someone would make a reference to it that would be lost on me, and I would get the typical “YOU’VE NEVER SEEN IT?!” response.

I’ve seen A TON of movies. I’m trying to see more. Give me time, people!

Anyway, I had no idea that this was Christopher Guest. The six-fingered man! And he’s soooo different. I loved it. There isn’t a whole lot I can say here other than that. It’s simply, “I loved it”.

That, and… “Stonehenge” might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Ever.

Queue it on Netflix

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Date Watched: October 31, 2010
Source: DVD

Comedic horror is never good. This movie defines what comedic horror should be. Everything about this movie is great. I love how Shaun goes about his every day life and is so jaded, he takes no notice to the world collapsing into zombiehood all around him. He goes by his regular corner store and is oblivious to bloody hand prints on the refrigerator case door. People lurching by looking like, well… looking like death warmed over, blood oozing from their mouths. Shaun has no idea.

And his cricket bat is awesome.

Queue it on Netflix

Super Troopers (2002)

Date Watched: September 13, 2010
Source: TV

I think this string of lackluster films (minus one) is my punishment for letting the project suffer as it has.

This had some good laughs, again, but was just so-so. Unremarkable and unmemorable.

The “meow” part cracks me up though. I will give it that much credit.

Queue it on Netflix

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

Date Watched: July 18, 2010
Source: Netflix Instant Play

Was I the only person on Earth who hadn’t seen this movie until now?

And was I also the only person who wasn’t overly impressed?

Yes, there were several laugh-out-loud parts, but most of them seemed to be in the beginning. It sort of felt like once it hid midpoint, it started to go downhill. And when it ended I was like, “uh, that’s it? Okay then..”

Queue it on Netflix

Super High Me (2007)

Date Watched: June 26, 2010
Source: Netflix Instant Play

First thing I want to get out there is that I don’t smoke. I’ve smoked cigarettes regularly, but I quit a long time ago. I’ve smoked pot twice, and both times, I had horrible reactions to it, pretty much the opposite effect of what it does for most people. I have no desire whatsoever to inhale anything but oxygen, ever.

Second thing is that I think marijuana should be legalized for recreational purposes and have the ever-loving f*** taxed out of it. Cigarettes have more crud in them than “legitimately” grown marijuana and those are still legal… and I don’t think the taxes are high enough on them, but that’s another story.

I wanted to watch this because unlike Morgan Spurlock’s Super Size Me, which inspired this film (originally as just a joke in a stand-up routine), I don’t understand the draw to marijuana. It smells like skunk, it leaves a nasty sticky residue, I don’t like smoking, I don’t like not being in my head, and I can think of about umpty-eleven things I’d rather spend money on.

This wasn’t nearly as science-based as Morgan’s McDonald’s project. The guy took two rounds of SATs, got a basic lung function test, and some “psychic ability” tests. It was a cop-out.

As much as it sucks to admit though, the guy was really annoying sober, and I found him really funny once he was high again. /sigh.

Queue it on Netflix

Fido (2006)

Date Watched: June 17, 2010
Source: Netflix Instant Play

I heart this movie. It’s such a great spoof of the 50s alone, but you add zombies into it and it’s fantastic. Everyone in the neighborhood with any wealth has a servant zombie controlled by a collar that makes them not want to eat human flesh… but one little boy realizes the zombie makes a nice pet, calls him Fido, and acts like he’s man’s best friend. Except a game in the park turns into an accidental nosh-fest for Fido and it unleashes zombies amuck! But the question is, will Fido stay faithful despite his zombie tendencies?

Terrific, funny, spooftastic, and just an all around good way to spend a couple of hours.

Queue it on Netflix

Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2007)

Date Watched: May 28, 2010

Source: Netflix Instant Play

This was another movie done on a hand-held camera as the premise is that Leslie Vernon has hired a documentary crew of three to document his plan to become a serial killer a la 80s slasher classics. He goes through the story of why he wants to do it (the town thinks he’s dead and he’s seeking revenge on a town that “killed” him), how he’s going to do it, where, and who. His plan is actually rather well laid out and even more well-executed. The problem is, the female documentary crew leader gets a conscience and decides that since they know the inner workings of his plan, they’re going to stop Leslie from murdering half a dozen innocent teenagers for no good reason. Except Leslie’s a bit more cunning than crazy, and like so many movies-that-start-out-boring-as-hell, there is… THE TWIST. Ah, good old THE TWIST. You’ll have to watch to see, because I won’t tell you… moo-ah HA HA HA HA!!!

Okay, I’m done.

Seriously, I was really bored. And I could not figure out how they could possibly cheese out an 80s slasher spoof more than the Scary Movie series did, but this film was doing it in a whole new way. Until… THE TWIST! It actually got fairly interesting at that point. I admit, I uttered a small “ooh!” and maybe clapped for half a second. But really, let’s not even try to pretend this was a quality film. It was just a good execution of… THE TWIST. If you can see it for free, go for it, but I’m not sure I’d pay for it. It’s something that doesn’t totally waste 2 hours of one’s weekend.

Queue it on Netflix