The Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

Date Watched: June 7, 2010
Source: Netflix Instant Play

The first thing I have to say is that this film has some pretty darned big shoes to fill. The Exorcist is my all-time favorite movie, horror or otherwise. Considering I go into most sequels expecting them to be crap, and I go into most horror sequels expecting them to be utter garbage, this had some marks against it already.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it wasn’t horrible. I would kill to look like Linda Blair does in this movie. She’s gorgeous. I have two small problems with the film. The first is that when they show Regan as a younger child during the first possession, it’s another actress. I would’ve thought they could’ve used the original footage… even though the words being spoken were different, most of the phrases were similar enough that old footage could’ve been used instead. The biggest disappointment was Mercedes McCambridge not returning to do the voice of Pazuzu (the demon, we find out in this film, is named Pazuzu). There is nobody that can match the chilling voice that Mercedes gave to the original movie. Those were my two biggest issues. On a much lesser note, Dr. Tuskin’s office was an insanely un-therapeutic environment, but it’s Hollywood. What else could you expect?

But there wasn’t much of that at all. They didn’t try to reclaim the glory that the original film carried, and that’s probably why this one even had a shot. They really broke away and explained more back story to Pazuzu. I wasn’t thrilled with the ending… I thought it could’ve executed it better. But really, I enjoyed watching. Highly recommended.

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Whatever Works (2009)

Date Watched: June 7, 2010
Source: Netflix Instant Play

I heard a lot of bad things about this movie, but you know what? Larry David is a genius. It’s interesting that I say that, considering how much I hated Seinfeld. But for me, Larry David’s writing only works when Larry David is acting it. The reason for that is, Larry David writes about Larry David… and who better to play Larry David than… Larry David!

Are you tired of hearing the name Larry David yet? LARRYDAVIDLARRYDAVIDLAAAAAAARYDAVID!

Okay I’m done. Basically Lar… erm… that guy took what every pessimist thinks and rolled it into one character… and the way being associated with him brings out the “real” side of everyone is remarkable, especially since he has absolutely no idea he’s doing anything at all. It’s really a great movie, if you take the time to pay attention and think past the doofy Southern accents.

[Afterthought: Upon actually looking at the DVD cover, I noticed that Larry David didn’t write this. But, oh well. Larry David is still a genius.]

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Grace (2009)

Date Watched: June 6, 2010
Source: Netflix Instant Play

So this couple finally gets pregnant after lots of fertility treatments. She’s a psycho vegetarian who thinks it’s okay to feed the cat soy milk. Right off the bat, I know she’s not fit to be a mother if she tries to force a carnivorous animal to be a vegetarian. Anywho, after royally pissing off her mother-in-law by insisting on a midwife instead of having the baby in a hospital, she and her husband go to see the midwife. He’s skeptical. They leave, get into a huge car accident, he dies, and she loses the baby.

Yet for some reason, this psycho decides to carry a dead baby to term. It’s born dead, and then mysteriously comes back to life while she coddles it. After a little while, still refusing to see a doctor, she realizes that the baby smells funny, when she bathes her (her name is Grace, obviously) the tub fills with blood, flies are attracted to the baby like a pile of doo… and then all of a sudden she realizes that the baby wants blood, not breast milk.

Meanwhile, the mother-in-law is forcing her husband to stimulate her to ready her for nursing again, with the intention of getting custody of the baby.

Back to psycho mom. Instead of going to the doctor, she casually buys tons of bloody beef and squeezes the blood into a bottle to feed the baby, who is ravenous. Doesn’t even bat an eye.

Then, mommy-in-law sends a doctor friend over to get him to say the mother is incompetent. But of course, he comes too close to finding out the truth about the baby when he hears her animal-like noises over the baby monitor while examining the mother, who after nursing blood, is rather sick and pale. Rather than let him get at the baby, she kills him, drags him into the bathroom, and tries desperately to squeeze his blood into a bottle. Mommy-in-law gets pissed that she hasn’t heard from doctor friend, shows up, sees the blood, ends up dead. Psycho mom’s midwife shows up, helps psycho mom and baby run away.

They change their hair, and the midwife intends to keep mommy’s “blood count up” so she can nurse the baby. Psycho mom casually says, “she needs more, she’s teething” and pulls the baby away from her bosom to reveal a huge chunk of flesh gone from her breast.

The End.

I just saved you an hour and a half of your life that you’d never be able to get back if you watched this horrible, not scary, not freaky, not chilling, CRAP excuse for a horror film.

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Follow The Prophet (2009)

Date Watched: June 6, 2010
Source: Netflix Instant Play

Boo, hiss. This movie didn’t go nearly far enough into the psychotic behavior of the Fundamentalist church. Yes, they showed the father try to marry his minor daughters off, and try to “teach” them how to “love” their husbands himself. They also showed a midnight “wedding” to the prophet, used the words “keep sweet”, and showed the prophet trying to have sex with the 15 year old who was supposed to be his new wife. And uh, that’s about it. Other than that, you have a bitter Colonel who didn’t get to save his daughter from dying in Afghanistan, so he tries to save this girl. Ho-hum. Boring.

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Being John Malkovich (1999)

Date Watched: June 6, 2010
Source: Netflix Instant Play

Weird movie. So let’s do a list.

• I bet I could probably just about stand up straight on the 7 and a 1/2th floor.
• I wonder what kind of landlord would allow so many pets in an apartment.
• I really don’t like Cameron Diaz.  I really wanted to get her a hair tie.
• Am I the only person who didn’t think Maxine was worth all that effort?
• I wonder how one (in this case, John Malkovich) could go about bringing a lawsuit against someone charging money to be him for 15 minutes.  He didn’t, obviously, but he should have.
• John Malkovich was pretty hysterical.
• The scene when John Malkovich became John Malkovich and everyone had his head on everyday bodies and every word was Malkovich… well, that was both funny and definitely ensured that if I never heard “Malkovich” for the rest of my life, I’d be happy.
• I wonder if that part of the New Jersey Turnpike had any significance?  And how could Craig be so sure that was always going to be the exit point?
• How could John Malkovich not hear the people in his head?  I thought that was kind of odd.
• Why John Malkovich?  Are there portals elsewhere to other people?
• At one point, John Malkovich was sort of able to fight back when Craig realized he could control him.  What happened that he was unable to for so long, when Craig permanently took over?  And how did he keep from being spit out after 15 minutes?
• All the old people at the end… I didn’t really understand that part.

I’ll admit that I watched this movie in three parts on three separate days.  I should probably go through and watch the whole thing again.  Because right now, I’m not really sure how I felt about it.

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